*
27 March 2011
17 March 2011
February 2011 - The Member of the Wedding, Brief Interviews with Hideous Men
The Member of the Wedding - Carson McCullers
Every once in awhile I'll read something that I don't really know what to do with. I like Southern writers. I like unreliable narrators. I like coming of age stories. I like stories about a specific moment in time. I'm not entirely sure I liked this novel. I didn't dislike it, but it wasn't as engaging as other stories by McCullers. I could relate to Frankie in some ways. I remember being in that in between age where I was trying so hard to understand everything around me. There is a dreamy sadness and frustration that I associate with those memories that I think is illustrated well in this book.
"Only yesterday, if the old Frankie had glimpsed a box-like vision of this scene, as a view seen through a wizard's periscope, she would have bunched her mouth with unbelief. But it was a morning when many things occurred, and a curious fact about this day was a twisted sense of the astonishing; the unexpected did not make her wonder, and only the long known, the familiar, struck her with a strange surprise."
Brief Interviews with Hideous Men - David Foster Wallace
I don't think I have ever had so many people comment on the title of a book I was reading. It is an excellent title.
I decided to pick this collection up in preparation for reading Infinite Jest. I figured if I hate Wallace's style altogether it's best to find out before committing to a 1,000+ page novel. I tried the same thing with Joyce: read and loved Dubliners before attempting Ulysses. Unfortunately, the model didn't work so well with Joyce. I fear Ulysses will be my white whale for a long time.
Brief Interviews with Hideous Men was almost painful to read. As a woman, I was horrified by some of the men; but, as a reader, I was also weirdly fascinated and amused by them. The interviews are interspersed throughout the collection which makes them a bit easier to digest than if they were all grouped together. My favorite interviews were B.I. # 31 03-97, Roswell, GA, B.I. #14 08-96, St. Davids, PA, and B.I. #20 12-96, New Haven, CT. There were a few others that made me feel like a complete ass because they were oddly familiar sounding. I like the idea of these men being truly and completely honest to this faceless, voiceless, interviewer. That kind of honesty is terrible and yet must be oddly liberating. At the same time it's clear that the men are not entirely unaware of their audience. Two of the interviews are done with men the interviewer has a relationship with which is interesting to read and in some ways explains the motivation of the interviewer.
"Can you believe that I'm honestly trying to respect you by warning you about me, in a way? That I'm trying to be honest instead of dishonest? That I've decided the best way to head off this pattern where you get hurt and feel abandoned and I feel like shit is to try to be honest for once? Even if I should have done it sooner? Even when I admit it's maybe possible that you might interpret what I'm saying now as dishonest, as trying somehow to maybe freak you out enough so that you'll move back out and I can get out of this? Which I don't think is what I'm doing, but to be totally honest I can't be a hundred percent sure? To risk that with you? Do you understand? That I'm trying as hard as I can to love you? That I'm terrified I can't love? That I'm afraid maybe I'm just constitutionally incapable of doing anything other than pursuing and seducing and then running, plunging in and then reversing, never being honest with anybody? That I might be a psychopath? Can you imagine what it takes to tell you this? That I'm terrified that after I've told you all this I'm going to feel so guilty and ashamed that I won't be able even to look at you or stand to be around you, knowing that you know all this about me and now being constantly afraid of what you're thinking all the time? That it's even possible that my honesty here trying to head off the pattern of sending our mixed signaled and pulling away is just another type of pulling away? Or to get you to pull away, now that I've got you, and maybe deep down I'm such a cowardly shit that I don't even want to make the commitment of pulling away myself, that I want to somehow force you into doing it?"
Ouch.
There were a few stories I had trouble with. "The Depressed Person" was technically hard to read with the massive footnotes. I couldn't decide how to read it even if I could appreciate engaging with the text in a different way. I couldn't even finish "Tri-Stan: I Sold Sissee Nar to Ecko." I have no idea what was going on there and I gave up three pages into it. It may have been too clever for me... -_-
I absolutely loved "Octet." It made me smile and it was fun and clever without being cutesy. "Adult World" and "On His Deathbed, Holding Your Hand, the Acclaimed New Young Off-Broadway Playwright's Father Begs a Boon" were my two favorites outside of the interviews. I thought about "Adult World" for a long time after I read it.
"When, later (long after the galvanic dream, the call, the discreet meeting, the question, tears, and her epiphany at the window), she reflected on the towering self-absorption of her naiveté in those years, the wife always felt a mixture of contempt and compassion for the utter child she had been."
I may not approach love and sex in the same way as the wife does in the story, but I do understand being frustrated with yourself when you realize how self-involved you've been. It's hard not to fall into the self made trap of thinking that if there is a problem somehow you are the cause. I think maybe it's easier to believe because it keeps the one you love from being at fault, it keeps them untarnished in a way. The realization that the person you love is not perfect, is flawed, and ugly in some ways can be difficult to accept. But disillusionment is absolutely necessary and inevitable. The wife in the story does not start to fully become her own person until she has her epiphany about her husband.
In the second part of the story, it is suggested that the wife and husband embracing the realities of who they really are is what truly makes them married and capable of loving. I wonder if people actually get to that point? How many people make it past the superficial ideas of each other to the point where they can love honestly, without illusions? So many people give up after that first disappointment, that glimpse at the imperfect. Sometimes there are impossible standards that you aren't even aware of until it's too late. Or your expectations are so high you are destroyed by the disappointment that must come. It's not fair for anyone and yet it seems like at some point we all do it.
Ugh. And I said this wouldn't be one of those blogs.
Every once in awhile I'll read something that I don't really know what to do with. I like Southern writers. I like unreliable narrators. I like coming of age stories. I like stories about a specific moment in time. I'm not entirely sure I liked this novel. I didn't dislike it, but it wasn't as engaging as other stories by McCullers. I could relate to Frankie in some ways. I remember being in that in between age where I was trying so hard to understand everything around me. There is a dreamy sadness and frustration that I associate with those memories that I think is illustrated well in this book.
"Only yesterday, if the old Frankie had glimpsed a box-like vision of this scene, as a view seen through a wizard's periscope, she would have bunched her mouth with unbelief. But it was a morning when many things occurred, and a curious fact about this day was a twisted sense of the astonishing; the unexpected did not make her wonder, and only the long known, the familiar, struck her with a strange surprise."
Brief Interviews with Hideous Men - David Foster Wallace
I don't think I have ever had so many people comment on the title of a book I was reading. It is an excellent title.
I decided to pick this collection up in preparation for reading Infinite Jest. I figured if I hate Wallace's style altogether it's best to find out before committing to a 1,000+ page novel. I tried the same thing with Joyce: read and loved Dubliners before attempting Ulysses. Unfortunately, the model didn't work so well with Joyce. I fear Ulysses will be my white whale for a long time.
Brief Interviews with Hideous Men was almost painful to read. As a woman, I was horrified by some of the men; but, as a reader, I was also weirdly fascinated and amused by them. The interviews are interspersed throughout the collection which makes them a bit easier to digest than if they were all grouped together. My favorite interviews were B.I. # 31 03-97, Roswell, GA, B.I. #14 08-96, St. Davids, PA, and B.I. #20 12-96, New Haven, CT. There were a few others that made me feel like a complete ass because they were oddly familiar sounding. I like the idea of these men being truly and completely honest to this faceless, voiceless, interviewer. That kind of honesty is terrible and yet must be oddly liberating. At the same time it's clear that the men are not entirely unaware of their audience. Two of the interviews are done with men the interviewer has a relationship with which is interesting to read and in some ways explains the motivation of the interviewer.
"Can you believe that I'm honestly trying to respect you by warning you about me, in a way? That I'm trying to be honest instead of dishonest? That I've decided the best way to head off this pattern where you get hurt and feel abandoned and I feel like shit is to try to be honest for once? Even if I should have done it sooner? Even when I admit it's maybe possible that you might interpret what I'm saying now as dishonest, as trying somehow to maybe freak you out enough so that you'll move back out and I can get out of this? Which I don't think is what I'm doing, but to be totally honest I can't be a hundred percent sure? To risk that with you? Do you understand? That I'm trying as hard as I can to love you? That I'm terrified I can't love? That I'm afraid maybe I'm just constitutionally incapable of doing anything other than pursuing and seducing and then running, plunging in and then reversing, never being honest with anybody? That I might be a psychopath? Can you imagine what it takes to tell you this? That I'm terrified that after I've told you all this I'm going to feel so guilty and ashamed that I won't be able even to look at you or stand to be around you, knowing that you know all this about me and now being constantly afraid of what you're thinking all the time? That it's even possible that my honesty here trying to head off the pattern of sending our mixed signaled and pulling away is just another type of pulling away? Or to get you to pull away, now that I've got you, and maybe deep down I'm such a cowardly shit that I don't even want to make the commitment of pulling away myself, that I want to somehow force you into doing it?"
Ouch.
There were a few stories I had trouble with. "The Depressed Person" was technically hard to read with the massive footnotes. I couldn't decide how to read it even if I could appreciate engaging with the text in a different way. I couldn't even finish "Tri-Stan: I Sold Sissee Nar to Ecko." I have no idea what was going on there and I gave up three pages into it. It may have been too clever for me... -_-
I absolutely loved "Octet." It made me smile and it was fun and clever without being cutesy. "Adult World" and "On His Deathbed, Holding Your Hand, the Acclaimed New Young Off-Broadway Playwright's Father Begs a Boon" were my two favorites outside of the interviews. I thought about "Adult World" for a long time after I read it.
"When, later (long after the galvanic dream, the call, the discreet meeting, the question, tears, and her epiphany at the window), she reflected on the towering self-absorption of her naiveté in those years, the wife always felt a mixture of contempt and compassion for the utter child she had been."
I may not approach love and sex in the same way as the wife does in the story, but I do understand being frustrated with yourself when you realize how self-involved you've been. It's hard not to fall into the self made trap of thinking that if there is a problem somehow you are the cause. I think maybe it's easier to believe because it keeps the one you love from being at fault, it keeps them untarnished in a way. The realization that the person you love is not perfect, is flawed, and ugly in some ways can be difficult to accept. But disillusionment is absolutely necessary and inevitable. The wife in the story does not start to fully become her own person until she has her epiphany about her husband.
In the second part of the story, it is suggested that the wife and husband embracing the realities of who they really are is what truly makes them married and capable of loving. I wonder if people actually get to that point? How many people make it past the superficial ideas of each other to the point where they can love honestly, without illusions? So many people give up after that first disappointment, that glimpse at the imperfect. Sometimes there are impossible standards that you aren't even aware of until it's too late. Or your expectations are so high you are destroyed by the disappointment that must come. It's not fair for anyone and yet it seems like at some point we all do it.
Ugh. And I said this wouldn't be one of those blogs.
February 2011 - On Beauty
I should be packing. Instead I am here.
On Beauty - Zadie Smith
First, some back story. I first read Zadie Smith's White Teeth when I was in London. It was a very fashionable thing to do at the time - sit on the tube with your Zadie book. Actually, Audrey assigned it and it was amazing! Kelly picked up On Beauty when it was still in hardcover and I always intended on borrowing it. Fast forward to a year or so later and I'm at the Denver Public Library. I pick up a hardcover version of the book and think "Great, I'll read this." Unfortunately, it was right around the time I graduated and the only books I could even contemplate reading - after four years of being subjected to whatever the English and History departments demanded I read - were the Harry Potter books. So of course I forget about it entirely and it becomes another book in my apartment. And then one day I realize I owe a lot of money in late fees and the library now considers the book as "lost." I dig it up and one rainy day put it in the drop box at the Cherry Creek branch... which was a mistake.
Six months later, I get a job interview at DPL! I decide to check to make sure I don't still owe any fees and I do. Somehow the book was lost. I decide to charge the fees with the last of my credit line so that it hopefully doesn't come up during my interview. Interview goes poorly. I don't get the job. I still haven't read On Beauty.
Finally, three years later I get a lovely paperback copy from a nice girl in Japan via bookmooch. My only successful bookmooch acquisition in fact. And then a year later I read it.
I enjoyed it but I feel like maybe it was saying things about art, beauty, and academia that I wasn't fully understanding. From my own experience I understand that academia is it's own bubble, safe from the problems and realities of the outside world. I'm happy I didn't go to school in a college town like the one in the novel. But I did go to a school in one of the most educated cities in the United States. I overhear so many conversations that I think anywhere else they might verge on pretentious but here they fit right in. Ha! Or maybe D-town is just one big pretentious love fest?
I do love Smith's ability to draw complex characters with believable attributes. Each character has his or her own distinct voice and in many ways resemble people that I know, or could know. She also does something that I found refreshing - she approaches questions of identity in a realistic way. Her characters have multiple identities, multiple roles they play and they all handle them differently. The identity crises that occur throughout the novel are nuanced and manage to steer clear of being stereotypical. And while Smith is slowly unpacking all of these characters and asking questions about the world they live in, she still manages to be funny.
On Beauty - Zadie Smith
First, some back story. I first read Zadie Smith's White Teeth when I was in London. It was a very fashionable thing to do at the time - sit on the tube with your Zadie book. Actually, Audrey assigned it and it was amazing! Kelly picked up On Beauty when it was still in hardcover and I always intended on borrowing it. Fast forward to a year or so later and I'm at the Denver Public Library. I pick up a hardcover version of the book and think "Great, I'll read this." Unfortunately, it was right around the time I graduated and the only books I could even contemplate reading - after four years of being subjected to whatever the English and History departments demanded I read - were the Harry Potter books. So of course I forget about it entirely and it becomes another book in my apartment. And then one day I realize I owe a lot of money in late fees and the library now considers the book as "lost." I dig it up and one rainy day put it in the drop box at the Cherry Creek branch... which was a mistake.
Six months later, I get a job interview at DPL! I decide to check to make sure I don't still owe any fees and I do. Somehow the book was lost. I decide to charge the fees with the last of my credit line so that it hopefully doesn't come up during my interview. Interview goes poorly. I don't get the job. I still haven't read On Beauty.
Finally, three years later I get a lovely paperback copy from a nice girl in Japan via bookmooch. My only successful bookmooch acquisition in fact. And then a year later I read it.
I enjoyed it but I feel like maybe it was saying things about art, beauty, and academia that I wasn't fully understanding. From my own experience I understand that academia is it's own bubble, safe from the problems and realities of the outside world. I'm happy I didn't go to school in a college town like the one in the novel. But I did go to a school in one of the most educated cities in the United States. I overhear so many conversations that I think anywhere else they might verge on pretentious but here they fit right in. Ha! Or maybe D-town is just one big pretentious love fest?
I do love Smith's ability to draw complex characters with believable attributes. Each character has his or her own distinct voice and in many ways resemble people that I know, or could know. She also does something that I found refreshing - she approaches questions of identity in a realistic way. Her characters have multiple identities, multiple roles they play and they all handle them differently. The identity crises that occur throughout the novel are nuanced and manage to steer clear of being stereotypical. And while Smith is slowly unpacking all of these characters and asking questions about the world they live in, she still manages to be funny.
16 March 2011
What I do during my lunch hour.
At this point buying books is like a nervous tic. I'm glad Kilgore's is a very well stocked store. They may not always have what I'm looking for but they always have something.
I am about to start my third book of the month. I need to hurry up and do my February write up...
I am about to start my third book of the month. I need to hurry up and do my February write up...
11 March 2011
January 2011
The first time I read this was years and years ago. I was maybe nine or ten. Honestly, I don't really remember it. Which seems wrong, but I think I was maybe the wrong age. After rereading it I wish I had read it when I was twelve or thirteen - just barely becoming a teenager. Anne is so smart and clever, but in many ways just like every other teenager. She can be moody, rebellious, callous, and full of self importance. Clearly, her circumstances are unique but she is a real girl who does not instantly rise above her situation and become a saint. I like that she is inconsistent in her feelings and thoughts, she is not a character in a story. The amount of time she has for self-reflection is almost painful.
"As I've told you many times, I'm split in two. One side contains my exuberant cheerfulness, my flippancy, my joy in life and, above all, my ability to appreciate the lighter side of things. By that I mean not finding anything wrong with flirtations, a kiss, an embrace, an off-color joke. This side of me is usually lying in wait to ambush the other one, which is much purer, deeper and finer. No one knows Anne's better side, and that's why most people can't stand me. Oh, I can be an amusing clown for an afternoon, but after that everyone's had enough of me to last a month. Actually, I'm what a romantic movie is to a profound thinker - a mere diversion, a comic interlude, something that is soon forgotten: not bad, but not particularly good either. I have having to tell you this, but why shouldn't I admit it when I know it's true?"
I have a feeling I'm going to try and make my nieces read this if they have not already. I feel like they should know Anne. Anyways, after reading this I was encouraged to start this whole thing and to even start writing to a Kitty of my own (I don't really call it that!). I'm not half as articulate, or observant as Anne but that doesn't matter.
Fragile Things - Neil Gaiman
I regret not starting this blog earlier! This collection of stories is amazing but I'm not sure how to sum it up for a short little blurb thing. I love love love Neil Gaiman. He is insanely creative and original. The way he makes story ideas so unmistakably his is something to be admired. I admit that I was biased to begin with before reading this but I feel that at least three quarters of the stories lived up to my expectations.
"A Study in Emerald" - Sherlock Holmes and the Great Old Ones can exist in the same universe! How could my little fangirl heart not love this story? Holmes/Lovecraft/Gaiman. "The fingertips were clean of ichor." It's almost a shame that this was the first story in the book.
"Strange Little Girls" - Ah... Tori Amos, it's been so long. "One day she won't love you, too. It will break your heart."
"Harlequin Valentine" - I always enjoy Puck-ish characters and the Harlequin does not disappoint but neither does his Columbine. Side note: I saw the graphic novel version of this at the comic book store but I wasn't too into the artwork. Sad.
"The Problem of Susan" - After reading this story, I will probably never read The Chronicles of Narnia. Thank you, Neil Gaiman. It just occurred to me that this is sort of a fanfiction. Granted, it's a fanfiction written by Neil Gaiman.
"Feeders and Eaters" - Grotesque and horrifying. Also, I don't think I'll ever be able to eat rotisserie chicken again.
"The Monarch of the Glen" - Another appeal to my heart. This time he hit the literary nerd nerve (nerd-nerve... hee) too. Shadow, from American Gods, has an adventure while on vacation in Scotland. An adventure which involves the best fight scene ever with Grendel! The idea of Shadow still roaming the Earth makes me happy. I feel like things will always keep happening to Shadow so it's good to check up on him. Gaiman takes on the idea of what it means to be a monster in a way that is not preachy or obvious, and this was the perfect story to end the collection.
There were so many great stories! Some I had already read ("Instructions" and "The Day the Saucer's Came"). One, "How to Talk to Girls at Parties" I listened to a reading Gaiman did of it on his website. It must be awful for British men who do not sound ridiculously charming no matter what they are talking about.
The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins
Why couldn't there have been a huge Young Adult book movement when I was growing up? I borrowed this from Hayli. She is reading the series (yay!) and I heard good things about it via Pop Culture Happy Hour. I finished it in one night. The story was instantly engaging and told in a simple, straightforward way. Collins makes world-building seem so easy and natural. Of course, it did make me think of a less bloody, more nuanced, PG-13 version of Battle Royale.
There are two more books to read and Hayli is eager to talk to me about them. I think that is the most appealing thing about reading this book. Not only is it great that she's excited about books (and books of the non-Twilight variety), but I like having something to share with her.
The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle - Haruki Murakami
Murakami, how have I made it through 25 years of my life without reading everything you have ever written? Could I ever be odd enough, or beautiful enough, or even tragic enough to be a character in one of your novels? If I was, would I want to be? Why do you write lovely women who are so flawed in such mysterious ways? What would you do with a female protagonist?
Having read two other Murakami novels (Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World and South of the Border, West of the Sun), I felt I would be prepared for The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle. And I was in some ways, but not in others. The length of the novel (607 pages) was a little daunting, but when I was half way through in just a few days I found myself not wanting the story to end. I just wanted to climb deeper and deeper into the well. There are so many narratives within this one story that it is surprising how everything fits. Every character has their own story to tell, and their stories are what shape Toru Okada's world.
The women in this story are all so different from one another, but with the exception of May Kasahara all seem to share this otherworldliness that sort of distanced me from them. Even though they are central to the plot, a lot of the women are almost too ghostlike, too ornamental, not real enough. Which is why May is great of course.
" 'Hey, I'm still a kid, ya know. I don't know anything about marriage. I don't know what was in your wife's mind when she started fooling around with another man or when she left you. But from what you just told me, I think you kinda had the wrong idea from the very beginning. You know what I mean, Mr. Wind-Up Bird? What you were just talking about... I don't know, it's kind of impossible for anybody to do that stuff, like 'OK, now I'm gonna make a whole new world' or 'OK, now I'm gonna make a whole new self.' That's what I think. You might think you made a new world or a new self, but your old self is always gonna be there, just below the surface, and if something happens, it'll stick its head out and say "Hi." You don't seem to realize that. You were made somewhere else. And even this idea you have of remaking yourself: even that was made somewhere else. Even I know that much, Mr. Wind-Up Bird. You're a grown-up, aren't you? How come you don't get it?That's a big problem, if you ask me. And that's what you're being punished for-by all kinds of things: by the world you tried to get rid of, or by the self you tried to get rid of. Do you see what I'm saying?' "
There are so many great moments and so much depth to this story. The lengths the main character will go in order to reunite with his wife are amazing and surreal. The power of the mind and memory are explored in ways that are compelling and unique. So much so, that I was exhausted (in a pleasant way) after finishing this. There are no loose ends, even when a character seemingly has disappeared. But everything is not explained either, for that would ruin the mystery of it all.
" 'As you are well aware,' the man continued, his voice soft but penetrating, 'in the course of life we experience many kinds of pain. Pains of the body and pains of the heart. I know I have experienced pain in many different forms in my life, and I'm sure you have too. In most cases, though, I'm sure you've found it very difficult to convey the truth of the pain to another person: to explain it in words. People say that only they themselves can understand the pain they are feeling. But is this true? I for one do not believe that it is. If, before our eyes, we see someone who is truly suffering, we do sometimes feel his suffering and pain as our own. This the power of empathy.' "
The war is over. Already. Seriously? I feel like there was way more prep time and very little actual war time. I wish the opposing forces would have put up some sort of effective resistance, at least for a little while. The Bigby/Emperor showdown was nice. I didn't even mind Blue jumping in. Snicker Snack indeed. And hey Prince Charming and Sinbad had the best bromance of the series going. Geppetto... seems like a cop out. I do love Fables, but I think, for now at least, my Fables journey is at an end. It seems like a natural stopping place for many reasons, but the war being over helps.
And that... was January.
05 March 2011
52
My goal this year is to read a book a week. Yeah it's been done before and done well, but not by me.
I've decided that graphic novels count towards this goal. I don't think that's cheating. I love comics and I don't want to push them aside because I have to read something "literary."
So 52 books/graphic novels. Even though this post is going up in March, I started this project back in January. I'll post a list of the books I've already read in January and February with maybe a quick blurb about them.
I've decided that graphic novels count towards this goal. I don't think that's cheating. I love comics and I don't want to push them aside because I have to read something "literary."
So 52 books/graphic novels. Even though this post is going up in March, I started this project back in January. I'll post a list of the books I've already read in January and February with maybe a quick blurb about them.
Mission Statement (of sorts)
I keep a physical journal for all my crazy thoughts and super deep insights into how the world works. So there will be none of that rubbish here! I have no desire to spill my soul on the Internet. Nor do I have any sort of compulsive need to create an Internet identity to make others think I'm much more interesting than I am. I'm not a natural storyteller so making my life appealing to others seems exhausting. And there is nothing worse than reading a blog and thinking "um... but that's not what really happened." The truth is relative, and increasingly malleable on the Internet. But whatever's clever, right?
So why blog? Honestly? I'm lazy. I want to keep a record of the books I'm reading this year and a blog seems like the most efficient way to do so. I type so much faster than I write, and since I never learned to hold a pen correctly (my grade school teachers tried so hard) I am prone to hand cramps. Also, as noted above I already keep a journal that I write in frequently so why risk a terrible, writing-related, hand injury when I can just hammer out a paragraph in a few minutes? Plus, I like pictures.
I'm not exceptionally clever. I don't think I have major earth shattering ideas about books. But the ideas I have are mine. And that's all that matters.
So why blog? Honestly? I'm lazy. I want to keep a record of the books I'm reading this year and a blog seems like the most efficient way to do so. I type so much faster than I write, and since I never learned to hold a pen correctly (my grade school teachers tried so hard) I am prone to hand cramps. Also, as noted above I already keep a journal that I write in frequently so why risk a terrible, writing-related, hand injury when I can just hammer out a paragraph in a few minutes? Plus, I like pictures.
I'm not exceptionally clever. I don't think I have major earth shattering ideas about books. But the ideas I have are mine. And that's all that matters.
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